Feb 09 2010
Daycare Shopping
Today we visited two potential daycares for Baby D; Children’s Courtyard and Children’s Lighthouse-Heritage. There are two more we definitely want to tour, possibly four. The two from today are up near home. Of the possibly 4 others, 3 are near the house, and 1 is downtown, near work. Both facilties we toured today are new facilities, very nicely appointed, and the staff seemed quite nice and knowledgeable. They’re close in price, and I feel confident that he’ll get more than adequate care at either facility. Both facilities get good reviews on the neighborhood message boards. With that said, I still left both places rather teary-eyed.
Let me make this very clear; I didn’t feel sad because of anything I saw or felt at either place we saw today. I felt sad as a Mommy. Baby D’s not even here for two and a half more months, yet we’re already having to look for someone else to take care of him the majority of the day during the week. This makes me feel so sad. I’m worried already about all the things I think I’ll miss. I know I’m not the first Mommy to go through this, and that all working parents feel this type of guilt about leaving their precious ones with someone else–whether it’s a bigger childcare facility, a smaller in-home daycare, or with a family member. My question to anyone out there reading this is, did you feel like this before your baby was ever born? Does it ever get easier? When? And if it doesn’t, when do you heed that voice and make other tough decisions? (Okay, so that’s more than one question, but give a hormonal pregnant woman a break, k?)
4 Responses to “Daycare Shopping”
Did you think I wouldn’t reply? LOL. Yes, I felt this way, still feel this way sometimes. Yes, it does get better. When? Well, that sort of depends. One day you’ll come in to pick him up and he’ll be all smiles and wriggling with excitement to see you, that moment will feel so great, you won’t feel bad that he was with someone else most of the day. As he gets older he’ll start to look forward to things, friends, etc. that he sees there, and that will help make it easier (there is a really ugly separation anxiety phase that you have to get through in the middle though, but let’s not think about that).
But even early on, as you hear stories about how he laughed at something or tried something new, even as part of you will be sad you didn’t witness it yourself, you’ll feel assured he’s in good hands. I will tell you that never has Ethan (Lucy hasn’t had enough exposure yet) been so attached to the daycare person that he didn’t want me once I was there–but many times he’s been attached enough to be happy to see them, even as a baby. So don’t worry (although you will worry, it’s inevitable) that he’ll forget about you or something. You will have a strong bond before he goes there, even though it will seem like a very short 3 months. There’s no breaking that.
As for feeling bad enough to start making other tough decisions? I’ve been pretty darn close. But ultimately, for us, me not working would mean us moving from our current house (because that would be the best way we could cut big expenses). Because our current location is going to put them in a great school when they are older, and we likely wouldn’t stay in the Tanglewood lines if we moved, and therefore allow us to use public school instead of private–I’ve decided (at least for now), that it is better for me to keep working. Also, I have come to learn that as much as I love my kids (tons and tons and tons and tons), and as much as I would like to be with them all the time, I also need that other outlet for myself. To be me, to be with other adults, to contribute to our family financially, to use my brain in different ways than I would at home. Now, lately, the hugs and kisses and coos have been much more rewarding than anything I’m getting at work, and that’s only right really. But it just comes down to doing what’s right for your family.
When you pick a good daycare center, their employees are trained and educated to give those kids a great start at life, and later, at school. You are not leaving them to be neglected. Good daycare can be really beneficial to a child. It’s right that you should worry and be sad, and it’s up to you what you can live with. But it does get better, or at least it did for me (and then started all over again with #2), I guess the decision point for you might be whether or not it does start to get better. If not, then maybe working outside the home isn’t the best choice for you. It’s one of those things you might not know until you try it.
Oh, and since I’ve already rambled on and on and on, I’ll stick this in here too: I had a lot of guilt because I wanted to live up to being the kind of mom I feel like my mom was/is. And she stayed home. And I worried all the time that she thought less of me because I didn’t. I’ve come to find out that is absolutely not true, that she’s amazed at what I do manage to do while working too. And you never know, as the kids get older and there are school things to be involved in, maybe I’ll change my mind about what’s best for us, but for now it is working and daycare, and it’s getting better. 🙂
Cris, thanks for the reassuring, honest, longer-than-the-post comment. 😉
Having been through the daycare process already with Jacob and Caleb, I know what Julie’s going through, at least from the Dad’s perspective, but it certainly helps to hear this stuff from someone else.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I babble. But you expect it, right? 🙂
[…] I ever thought it would be. I knew it wouldn’t be easy – I remember tearing up just shopping daycares. Now, Sam’s at a good daycare. I’ve mentioned it before: he’s at a […]