Jan 04 2011
Night Terrors
No, I’m not talking about the kind that children have – the kind where your little one wakes up SCREAMING for no apparent reason, and simply will not be comforted (in many cases, your little one isn’t even really awake) by any of the normal devices. I’m talking about parental night terrors. The worries that come out of nowhere – or more accurately, sneak out of that scary little place in the back of your mind that you keep locked up tight – and keep you awake at night. I battled one last night.
We got some terrible news last night about a former teammate of Jacob’s. I’m going to try to be discreet about names and teams out of respect for the family, so if you already know, please just bear with me. We found out last night that a former teammate of Jacob’s passed away after a (blessedly?) short battle with leukemia. He was diagnosed in early August, and lost the battle mid-December. Mind you, this is not a child I knew well, and I think I spoke to his parents maybe once. His father was often helping with the team during games. This child was not one with whom Jacob was good buddies. All of that is to say, I didn’t know him or his family well. But, hearing this news crushed me, for them.
I can’t even begin to imagine what this family is going through, and it would likely be insulting of me to try. I don’t think anyone can ever fully understand the loss of any child. I know I never could, but it seemed worse somehow this time. Maybe because I DID know this boy; maybe because as a Mommy, it terrifies me to think that I could ever be in his mother’s shoes; definitely because this child was the same age as Jacob (birthdays only 5 days apart); definitely because I know that cancer knows no boundaries and can strike at anyone and there’s not much we can do but fight it when it rears up.
The more I try to wrap my head around this, the harder it is to understand. I’m not an overtly religious person, but at times like these, I simply HAVE to think there’s got to be a reason, a plan, SOMETHING to justify this innocent life ending so soon. Because if it turns out to be random for no reason at all, well, I just don’t think I can handle a world or a deity (whatever kind you believe in; that’s a debate for another time) that works that way.
So tonight, if you have healthy children in your life in any way, shape, or form, give them extra hugs and say a little prayer of thanks for them. And while you’re at it, say a prayer for peace and healing for all of those who aren’t as lucky as we are.
One Response to “Night Terrors”
That is so, so sad! I can’t begin to imagine how heartbreaking that must be for his family and friends. Your post was very well written. Indeed, we are lucky those of us with healthy children and families.